I'm pissed.

I just read my last post. . .that I never posted.

It was about Thanksgiving and I mentioned how my Grandma (Gma we call her) had opted out this year.

I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm lost.

I hate this year.

I FUCKING HATE IT.

Last year was hard, so fucking hard.

And now this year.   FUCK.

I've screamed and cried a lot the last few days.  

Few.

I just realized it's been almost a week. 

A week since the call.

Friday it'll be a week since I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and that I was going to get Mom.

 

FUCK.

I just want to scream it over and over. Or just scream.

Two nights in a row I've dreamt about her.  Random dreams, but she was there.

 

I don't think I can finish this or post this right now.  I might lose it again. [11-Nov-2020]

 I fucking love October.  Hands down, my favorite month.  

This month start off sunny here, perfect Fall days...the last few days I've been watching the fog roll in around 7am, it's been awesome.  I love fog.  Sucks, I had to be at work for it.  I have the next four days off so I hope they are either foggy, stormy days or perfectly sunny, crisp days.  

Lately I've been, watching The Vampire Diaries, eating curly fries and drinking lots of red wine (as usual).

The next few days, I'm going to finish decorating for Halloween (I found some awesome window stickers at the dollar store), drink lots of coffee, enjoy my wine in the evenings, make a pumpkin pie and figure out which sides I am bringing to Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving will be the usual, small family gathering. My Grandma has opted out this year, which makes me sad as it's not for the covid reasons you think and the husband is still working away.

[08-Oct-2020]