How I Feel

• Lost
• Alone, not physically, mentally
• Confused
• Guilty
• Selfish
• Destructive
• Lost. . .again
• Anxious
• Tired
• Frustrated
• Sad
• Lonely

Time Still Passes

I can't believe September is almost over.  I feel like it was the quickest month yet, but also the loneliest. . .so far.
My dude has been working away.  He was home for about four days before leaving again a week ago.  This time is longer.

He doesn't even work away as long as some people's partners do, but I find that I get stuck inside my head and just land in a dark place.
We're getting closer to buying a house and my greatest fear is being left alone in a whole house with just my thoughts.  So I need to get some hobbies.
Any suggestions?

I recently went to the Etsy market in the mall and it was amazing, people are so creative and brave to put themselves out there.  I struggle to do that.
I like to make birthday cards, but I am not willing to put myself out there to sell them that makes me feel nauseous.

I've been watching lots of movies and t.v. and am getting excited for new seasons of Stranger Things, This is Us, South Park and The Exorcist.
But no Stranger Things spoilers please, I have to wait to watch it until my boy gets home.
It premieres on October 27th, and yes I did take the 28th off in anticipation of the binge and also it's my man's birthday.

If anyone has any tv or movie watching suggestions please leave them below!

My Mom is in Florida

I'm guilty of not blogging lately.
I've been watching too many movies, cleaning my house like crazy and just feeling incredibly anxious.

I am guilty of being self destructive and I am the first to admit it, no one needs to tell me that I shouldn't drink wine when I'm sad or anxious or to get off of social media when I'm like this.


Two of the stable people in my life aren't here right now and it's really wreaking havoc on me.
My love is up north working, it'll be three weeks tomorrow that he's been gone, and I still won't be seeing him until next weekend.

My Mom.  My Mom is in Florida right now.
We're all worried for her and I just hope once it gets to Orlando that it's weakened.
I saw some of the photos and footage from the Caribbean and I am at a loss for words.  Hurricane Harvey just passed through Texas and that was devastating.  It's a lot more real when you have someone you know and love in the path of a hurricane.

We don't get hurricanes here so this is all new information to me.
Disney World will be closed after tonight, until Tuesday.  She's supposed to be back Wednesday, if they're able to fly out then.  She was told to keep the blinds closed during the hurricane and fill the bathtub with water.

Theses are her pictures of the sky today, it's the same time in all of them but the sky just looks ominous.

I just pray for her safe return and am glad she had fun while it lasted...and I'm jealous that she saw Hocus Pocus live.

I'll try to update this post as I get new information while we have contact.