It never changes, really.
It's always the same.
Your throat tightens, you feel like you have a bulge there (my most recent one lasted 3 weeks, I was ready to go to the doctor but it went away), your heart races, sometimes you get sweaty or cold, want to throw up, want to cry.
The reasons for my anxiety?
It's every changing.
Lately it's been work.
I always want to do the right thing, order the right test, follow the procedure etc.
Sometimes things don't go as planned. A lot of the time they don't.
Today I was calling back and forth for almost an hour trying to figure out something I screwed up.
First of all, I hate using the phone. It is probably my number one anxiety trigger.
At work I can do it because it has to be done, but I hate it.
We seemed to fix the issue that had happened, but here I am at home, four hours after work is done, still thinking about it.
And thinking about something from yesterday too.
It sucks because sometimes you have someone there to ask for help (today I didn't) but then they just agree with you but you want to know what they would do not just to agree with you!
I work in the medical field by the way, I don't know if I've ever mentioned that.
I still have one more day of work, and I probably won't even enjoy my day off on Sunday. I'll be too anxious. Something is bound to make me anxious tomorrow, especially because I'll be the senior person working.
I just wish that I knew everything I could possible know about my job or have no anxiety. Either option would work for me. Or just early retirement!
I hope everyone has a much better weekend than yours truly!
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