Anxiety

It's one of those things that's hard to explain to people who have never really felt it.
Sure we have our little day to day anxieties, but then there are the others who feel it over small things or social situations etc.

This week has been particularly bad for me.
Monday I had anxiety all evening. The tightness in the chest, feeling like every breath is a struggle, the constant worrying (over what? nothing, as usual). It's just that feeling like something bad is going to happen or you forgot to do something.

Yesterday I was super anxious and it's even carried over to today.
I was closing up shop at work alone for the first time.  So, I actually have a reason to be anxious (which is rare). But my mind is racing over little things, did I put that box on the right shelf? was I supposed to put the computer into sleep mode?  what number was supposed to be on that envelope? 
Dumb things. But I am so stressed over it.  I'll hear about it this morning if I did anything wrong.
This tightness in my chest hurts, my brain feels swollen from worrying.
I fell asleep pretty early but I feel like I haven't slept at all. 

I suffer from some social anxiety as well, but it's not as bad as it used to be. 
But I do I still struggle to make and keep friendships.

I've done the whole prescription thing and I hated it.
I didn't feel like myself, I felt numb to everything and everyone and that's not something you want to feel towards your loving boyfriend and family.
I only took SSRIs for 6 months but the withdrawal symptoms that came with trying to get off of them were the worst. You're supposed to do it slowly and I did but I also did it a bit quicker than I should have.  I just needed them out of my life.

Living with anxiety can be hard some days and my Boyfriend doesn't understand what it's like to be anxious and that nothing can trigger it. But he's there for me. When I tell him I'm feeling anxious he asks what he can do and usually he can make it a bit better.  The other day when it was bad he distracted me by taking me for a car ride and then we watched Harry Potter.
I was surprised that it made me forget for a few hours, but grateful.

Well I'm off to start my day, hopefully everything went okay last night and my anxieties will go away for the day.

Happy Wednesday!

Every Week, Everyday

Happy Sunday!

I tried so hard to blog this week, I even started and finished one! And then realized it'd be better with the pictures so I will wait to publish that one.
During the week I try to blog, but I am honestly so boring that it's hard to blog about my life, so I'm going to need to come up with topics.
Today's topic is how hard it is to blog about myself even though I love to write, and what I do on a daily basis/what I did this weekend.

During the week I am a real adult/old woman.
Everyday I am up around 6am, earlier if Boyfriend decides to be a loving pest.
I do three things at once, make coffee, make my lunch and make breakfast.
Breakfast is the same everyday.  Scrambled eggs and yogurt with granola.
I lay in bed (I love bed) and eat until I have 25 minutes before I have to leave.
I then go to work once I'm ready.
I'm usually off around 4pm and I go to my parent's house, make my lunch for the next day, visit, maybe work out or shower then head to Boyfriend's where I become a potato for the next 4-5 hours until I can go to sleep. Sleeping before 9pm is a no-no apparently.
That's Monday-Friday, everyday.
Saturday varies. I may work and if I do, I get breakfast in bed :)
Weekends, I like to sleep in, go to HomeSense, eat a good breakfast, drink lots of coffee, read and watch youtube for hours at a time.

Nothing different happened this weekend, except that I painted my toes.
I'm more excited in the Fall, come back then :)
Have a fantastic week!

Fairy Tales and Fancy Cars

Another wonderful weekend is over.
How was yours?
Saturday, Boyfriend and I wandered around looking for a snorkel set for the river this summer. We each found one and are eyes are completely suctioned when we put them on, it's hilarious. I'll share a picture once we get to use them.  We had coffee at our favorite place where they now recognize us and up size our drinks for free.  Yes, we go there that often.
In the evening I went and saw "Maleficent" with my parents, which I absolutely loved. I love my fairy tales, so I enjoyed it much more than my parents.
Later on Boyfriend and I hung out with friends for a bit where we watched funny youtube videos and drunk people make interesting? decisions.

Sunday (which is almost over now) I miraculously slept in until nine o'clock, and  I think it was the best sleep I've had in a long time. At 10 we tried to take my Dad for breakfast, there was a line out the door at one place and a half hour wait at another. So we waited for half an hour, got seated and then waited an hour for a greasy breakfast that made me feel ill. It was the worst breakfast I've ever had out.  There's only a handful of places I trust for breakfast and this wasn't one of them (the line out the door one was).  Then we headed to a show 'n shine.  I love old cars.

If I could one day own a 1956 Chevrolet Belair, I would be a happy girl.
I didn't have my camera with me, so I didn't take many pictures.
But it was a fun day overall!
My youngest brother made a fantastic steak dinner with potato salad and corn.
I gave my dad this book:

Now Boyfriend and I are ignoring each other while being on our lap tops and relaxing before the work week. (Aw yeah four day work week for us! It's my graduation from phlebotomy on Friday!!)

Have a lovely week!

Dear Fourteen Year Old Me

Dear fourteen year old self,
I have many things to tell you.
First off I would normally suggest that you figure out what you want to do while you're still in high school but then you would be on a completely different path and you would miss out on many great people.
All those crushes in high school will mean nothing when you're older, so don't fret.  When you're fifteen you will date a boy for a little bit and there will be "friends" that back stab you. You're going to be really upset. It's going to really suck and you're going to be really depressed, but don't worry, this will make you a stronger person.
When you're eighteen you'll go to Disneyland for the second time, when you come back I would suggest going to the doctor and requesting blood tests so you don't get more upset when you start gaining weight and becoming more depressed due to a thyroid disease (once again, it will make you stronger though).
One big piece of advice: Eat healthy & work out, it makes you feel better!

You know how you always wanted a boy to look at you with longing and loving eyes? To brush the hair out of your face?  To wrap his arms around your waist and nuzzle in? To kiss you just because he felt like it? To accept your weird quirks?
You get all that.  It takes awhile and there's bump to get over before you get that but you get it.
You'll be the happiest you've ever been. You'll do new things and learn new things and it will be exciting. Two years in you won't be scared like you have been before. 

Now I have to go be a real adult and get ready for my real adult job.
(Yes you get a real adult job...eventually.)

Sometimes Mondays Are Bearable

I had the most wonderful weekend (a post on that later), so much so that I did not want it to end.
At one point I almost started crying because I felt like that was the happiest I've ever been (so far).

I somehow scored a three day weekend and so I didn't have to tolerate getting up at an ungodly hour this morning...okay I still did because Boyfriend had to work.

It's just after nine now and I'm sitting in my parent's kitchen eating breakfast, drinking coffee and watching the wind blow my tree around outside.
I have a red oak tree and it has grown a lot this year. I've had it for two years and it probably comes up to my chin now and I'm 5'8".
My youngest brother is sitting on the couch reading and eating a omelet (where's mine?!)
It's just a nice way to start the week.

Later today I will be cleaning my bedroom, the bathroom, grocery shopping, present shopping, weight lifting (unless I get lazy) and I would like to pack a few more home things I got.
I should probably do a home haul soon...or any youtube video as I haven't done any in awhile.

We'll see what the day brings. I really don't want to do any shopping to be honest.

Now that Monday has begun I have Tuesday to be anxious for.
Have a lovely week!