How I Feel

• Lost
• Alone, not physically, mentally
• Confused
• Guilty
• Selfish
• Destructive
• Lost. . .again
• Anxious
• Tired
• Frustrated
• Sad
• Lonely

Time Still Passes

I can't believe September is almost over.  I feel like it was the quickest month yet, but also the loneliest. . .so far.
My dude has been working away.  He was home for about four days before leaving again a week ago.  This time is longer.

He doesn't even work away as long as some people's partners do, but I find that I get stuck inside my head and just land in a dark place.
We're getting closer to buying a house and my greatest fear is being left alone in a whole house with just my thoughts.  So I need to get some hobbies.
Any suggestions?

I recently went to the Etsy market in the mall and it was amazing, people are so creative and brave to put themselves out there.  I struggle to do that.
I like to make birthday cards, but I am not willing to put myself out there to sell them that makes me feel nauseous.

I've been watching lots of movies and t.v. and am getting excited for new seasons of Stranger Things, This is Us, South Park and The Exorcist.
But no Stranger Things spoilers please, I have to wait to watch it until my boy gets home.
It premieres on October 27th, and yes I did take the 28th off in anticipation of the binge and also it's my man's birthday.

If anyone has any tv or movie watching suggestions please leave them below!

My Mom is in Florida

I'm guilty of not blogging lately.
I've been watching too many movies, cleaning my house like crazy and just feeling incredibly anxious.

I am guilty of being self destructive and I am the first to admit it, no one needs to tell me that I shouldn't drink wine when I'm sad or anxious or to get off of social media when I'm like this.


Two of the stable people in my life aren't here right now and it's really wreaking havoc on me.
My love is up north working, it'll be three weeks tomorrow that he's been gone, and I still won't be seeing him until next weekend.

My Mom.  My Mom is in Florida right now.
We're all worried for her and I just hope once it gets to Orlando that it's weakened.
I saw some of the photos and footage from the Caribbean and I am at a loss for words.  Hurricane Harvey just passed through Texas and that was devastating.  It's a lot more real when you have someone you know and love in the path of a hurricane.

We don't get hurricanes here so this is all new information to me.
Disney World will be closed after tonight, until Tuesday.  She's supposed to be back Wednesday, if they're able to fly out then.  She was told to keep the blinds closed during the hurricane and fill the bathtub with water.

Theses are her pictures of the sky today, it's the same time in all of them but the sky just looks ominous.

I just pray for her safe return and am glad she had fun while it lasted...and I'm jealous that she saw Hocus Pocus live.

I'll try to update this post as I get new information while we have contact.

Standing Up To My Anxiety

Lately I've been living the life of a single girl. . . sort of.

My fiancee is working away at the moment and so I am by myself.

I know lots of couples do this, and it's tough.  I'm lucky that it hasn't been for months at a time, yet, but it's still hard to have him away.

I have really bad anxiety when I have to go out and do stuff by myself.

Like groceries? If I go right after work or early in the morning I'm good, but if I have to go on my days off in the middle of the day? Forget about it, I end up calling my parents and getting one of them to go with him.

Lately I've been challenging my anxiety, or myself I guess.

I meet my mom for coffee at the mall every Sunday when she's working, once she goes back to work I make myself do a lap around the mall by myself and if I'm brave I go into a store or two.  The longest I've done this for lately is about twenty five minutes and then I get sweaty and panicky and have to leave.

So yesterday I decided I was going to take about a 3 hour drive to my favorite beach.  I made myself do it, I almost have to bully myself into doing things...it's pathetic.

But I did it, I spent 3 hours there and even went body boarding.

Proof:

 Once I was on the road I was having a great time blasting my favorites songs on a beautiful, sunny day.  The beach was busy, but it's so big and honestly, no one else cares what you're doing.

I have to keep reminding myself that.

Like if I want to make myself start running again and I have to remind myself that no one else actually cares what I'm doing, I'm bettering myself and will feel great after.

I just thought I'd give a quick update on my anxiety, and while not everyone has a partner that works away so it forces you to do things alone...it helps.  I would suggest bullying challenging yourself to do things outside your comfort zone.

I Have A Thing For Autumn

I know I am kind of all over the place with my blog and just can't seem to pin point the right name, I say this because I'm going off the topic of skinscare & such (my current blog name, in case it changes in the future).

I have a deep love for Autumn.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned that before, but as we're nearing the end of August I am getting giddy.  We're talking Christmas Eve kind of giddy, I know I'm weird.

The past two days I have spent browsing Autumn decor online, burning Fall candles and composing the ultimate playlist.
Oh, and watching 'Hocus Pocus' and 'You've Got Mail', two of my favorite movies for the season. . .let's be honest, I watch them year round.

I've also been busy cleaning my home and making it more simple.  I like simplicity, a lot, but I have so much clutter and I have a thing about making piles.  So I am going through my clothes and books and donating whatever I haven't worn in the past couple months or books I'm just not interested in anymore.
It's like Spring cleaning, but an Autumn de-clutter.  I think I just made that up.

During my vacation in two weeks, when it's officially September (insert excited squeal here), I will dig out my Fall box (yes I have one, just like I do Christmas decorations) and start decorating.


I tend to blog a lot more in Fall, so here's what you can expect from me:
-Pictures, lots of cozy, Autumn pictures
-Outfit post
-Autumn activities like the corn maze and farmer's market
-A post about all my favorites candles
-Autumn playlist
-Baking, I love to bake in the cooler months

And if you can think of anything else you'd like to see, just leave a comment below.
Have a great week!




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