One of Those Movie Song Moments

In attempts to figure some sh*t out I have gone back to my old title of 'Confessions of a Boring Girl'.
That's just about 10 years ago now.

I plan on doing a bigger post closer to my (30th) birthday in eleven days, but for now you get this one where I feel utterly lost and confused. Oh and super grumpy and pms-y.

I feel like I could cry at anything, actually just breathing makes me want to cry.
And here I am listening to one of my cry songs  (More Time by Needtobreathe), don't ask me why it's in my cry song list it just is for some reason and only the first half of the song.
My Cry Song List will be a future post, if you're curious that is.

This post was induced by a glass of wine in my new favorite glass:

 I also finally got into using Lightroom for editing and I am in love, so expect better pictures to come.

I feel so crazy in my head lately.
I get pms-y but only once in awhile and it's weird.
So I get like this where it's hard core days of being anxious and irritated by anything and everything and I want to cry because I feel mad all the time and my poor boyfriend gets the brunt of it and I end up confessing that I don't like my job or that he needs to do more chores (yeah, this has happened).
Or I just get emotional and watch sad movies constantly so that I bawl, and listen to my cry song list.

I feel like an angsty teenager right now.

One of those movie song moments happened today. You know when the song playing perfectly lines up with how you feel or what's going on in your life? That's a movie song moment.
So I was all pissed, for undisclosed reasons, and went to the liquor store to get myself a bottle of wine. . .or two.  I walked in and "I'm A Bitch" by Meredith Brooks started playing and I was like "Yes!" I went to the California wine section grabbed a bottle of mine wine, saw it was on blow out for two bucks cheaper and grabbed another.
As I was at the till I was so satisfied as she was singing how she was a bitch, a lover, child, mother etc.
I love those moments.
Please share any movie song moments you've had in the comments, I'd love to read them.

Sick and Crying

I wasn't sure how to start this post, so let's just acknowledge that I am sick and it freakin' sucks.
We can also acknowledge that my eyes are all puffy and burning from crying during 'This is Us'.
Anyone else wait out the Superbowl just to watch it?
Just me?

Ooookay. . .

It may be because I am extra hormonal with my time of the month coming up soon but I was crying hard and didn't quite realize it right away.
[Haha, boyfriend just told me I have sick eyes and I had to explain that while he was video gaming I was crying about the Pearson family.]

Once I am feeling at least 85% better I would like to dedicate more time to my blog as I find it therapeutic and also more time to my Youtube channel because it is a good, somewhat, creative outlet for me.

Maybe before all of that I should start working out again.
I find being sick a good reset for starting to exercise/eat healthy again.  It's like your body is trying to get rid of the toxins in it.

I think that's all for tonight. Let me know if you shed tears during 'This is Us' tonight too please.
Have a great week!

One last thing! I just started getting into the Amazon Original 'The Last Tycoon', thumbs up from me so far!  But it's not as good as 'The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel'!

How I Talked Myself Out of a Panic Attack

I had to come on here to document something tonight, because something happened today that doesn't happen very often and I just had to share.

I went to the grocery store alone tonight, I started off confident and then when I realized I had to go back across the store panic started to set in.  I quickly walked to the other side (this is probably our smallest grocery store by the way, so it wasn't far) and decided I was done after that.
I opted out of the express lane as it was busy and I liked the lady at the regular till.  There was only one person in front of me but he had a cart full, I put up my groceries (only 6 things) and then waited.
Someone came up behind me, and when there was room I put a, what do you even call those things, between our groceries, and still waited.  I was looking at the candy, watching other people, doing everything I could to distract myself while this guy's groceries went through.
I could feel my heart beating faster, my face was going red and I was starting to sweat.
I was seriously ready to get out of the line just so I could breath and/or cry.  I was going to tell the guy behind me I was going to be sick and race out, I had it all planned.
Then I told myself to breathe.
Just breathe.

So I just stared off and just kept breathing, telling myself "it's okay, nothing bad is happening, nobody cares that my face is red, you have no reason to cry right now, you can do this".

And you know what?
It worked.
It was my turn and all was well.
But you know what? In that moment of panic I was trapped, I thought I had no where to go, that I couldn't breathe or cool down and that everyone was watching me panic.  But in reality? Nobody was watching me, nobody cared, the only thing that happened was that the cashier said "hi".  That was it.

When I got in my car I let out the biggest gasp for air and laughed a little, shocked that I did it. 
That I talked myself out of a panic attack.

I think it's a little bit of claustrophobia when I'm in a line like that too, where you're blocked in on both sides and there is someone in front and behind you.  About 10 years ago it was really bad in lines, where I would be at the checkout with my mom and I would start crying or just be red in the face and panicked.
Now when I'm in line with someone else it doesn't happen, but when I'm by myself it still tends to.  I try to opt for self checkout when I can, but today there was no option.
Also going to cashiers that I'm used to helps as well.

That ended up being longer than I planned, but I like that I didn't feel defeated or crippled by my anxiety today and had to share!

Goodbye 2017

Happy New Year Everyone!
I've been absent for quite awhile on here now, but let's ignore that.
What's been happening in your life?
Here is what has been happening in mine (in list form of course):

-Boyfriend came back from work shortly after my last October blog & has been home since which is amazing
-Christmas happened and it was so busy
-I watched Stranger Things 2 and you should too
-I also watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (twice!) and I am so in love with it and Rachel Brosnahan
-It's a new year and new year's eve was so chill this year, I loved it.
-I've eaten so much bad for me food and have enjoyed life
-I also started taking my vitamins again and adjusted the time for my medication and it's working very well so far
-We now own an instant pot and food processor and have been experimenting in the kitchen a lot, so expected food posts soon.
-My skin has been amazing thanks to a more simple routine and ingredients. . .and less face masks.
 -Take more pictures

That's about it, we keep it pretty simple around here.
This year I want to start blogging more (always a goal), maybe try the youtube thing again, read lots, keep taking care of my skin, drink less to save more, start running again now that I feel like I'm getting my energy back (thanks Thyroid), keep trying new recipes and explore my island more.


 Happy New Year, I wish you all the best!

What to Watch to Get in the Halloween Spirit

I love Autumn, clearly.
I am a avid Halloween fan.
I am also a horror movie addict...or anything that hints at Autumn.

So here is my list of things to watch to get in the Halloween spirit!

-Hocus Pocus (Obviously.  To prove my love for this movie to you, it was what I wanted to watch at my seventh birthday...which is in March.)

-Coraline (I love watching this on a rainy day)

-Poltergeist (the original, my Grandma always had us watching odd movies growing up and this one was my favorite at nine years old)

-An American Haunting (For some reason I just love this movie.  I won't spoil it, but it has quite the twist)

-The Paranormal Activity movies (My mom and I were addicted to these as they came out in the theater!)

-Jennifer's Body (I watched this in the theater when it first came out and I felt empowered? after seeing it, it was bizarre. Plus I love Megan Fox.)

-Dark Skies (*Aliens*)

-Stranger Things (duh)

-The Exorcist (hands down the scariest movie for me)

-Rosemary's Baby

-The Exorcism of Emily Rose (I remember being just about in tears watching this in the theater)

-The Sixth Sense (Saw this in the theater with my Mom too...told you we're addicted.  I was only 11, but freaking loved it)

-Goosebumps  (my childhood, the mask one was definitely my favorite)

-Halloweentown

-Little Monsters

-Casper (I had a huge crush on Devon Sawa growing up and I won the vhs of Casper in a costume contest, so it has sentimental reasons too)

-"It" (I remember watching the original when I was pretty young, my best friend and I wanted to be scared...that shower scene was the worst.  I saw the new one when it came out and I actually really enjoyed it and want to see it again.)

-American Horror Story (Seasons 1 & 2 specifically)

Those are the ones that come to my mind when I'm feeling Halloweeny (everyday).

Let me know which Halloween type films you're into at the moment.