More on Self Doubt (Careers)

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to work in either fashion, movies, or music.
When I was little, we're talking seven years old here, I wanted to be a cashier and work at Wal-Mart like my Mom (it's documented) but I loved fashion design and modeling.
I did modeling when I was a kid, nothing came of it but it was fun.
I also remember doing an audition for the movie Big Bully, I was about eight, but they were more interested in one of my brothers.  Neither of us got it though.

I did sewing for seven years and really loved designing clothes, but I just wasn't committed.

Flash forward to when I was seventeen, I entered a modeling contest...a couple actually.
I won one and was in a magazine and did some modeling in Toronto for Converse & West49.
I came second, I think, for a local contest and then also did further work with a store called Bootlegger because of it.
I did two local fashion shows that put me in contact with a lady who does modeling and acting classes.

Many, many years later...we're talking about ten years later.I enrolled in acting classes with that lady.  I did them for a year and half.
I auditioned for a pilot tv show and got a callback. . . the only thing was that they were looking for people who were about thirty...I was twenty five and looked about eighteen, so while they laughed at my jokes at the audition and was a great experience overall...I think I just looked too young.  The pilot never took off.

And now?  I take blood for a living.  It's good for right now as it's bringing in double from my old job and I have a regular schedule, but I'd still rather be doing something in the film or fashion industry.
I would really love to be the person who picks the music for tv or film and/or edits it.  As much as editing can frustrate me, I love it.
I've even thought about submitting pictures for commercial modeling lately, but I remember from when I was younger that twenty six is old in modeling and I'm well past that now.  I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
Then a tv show has been filming on our island the past two years and I just don't have time to even do extra work for it because my work isn't flexible.

Remember my post about self doubt a few days ago?
This is a continuation on that.
I just feel like I'm doing the wrong career.
I'm sure tons of people feel like this and it's an awful feeling.  You just feel like you're living a lie because you are, you're lying to yourself.

Anyone else feeling like this?
How do you cope with it?

A Year of Adventure

Do you ever have the yearning to do something more?
I've been having that feeling like crazy for weeks now.
I feel like I'm in the wrong career, maybe even living in the wrong place.
I want to explore, I haven't been to very many places and I would like to see much more.

There was a day this year where I decided this would be my year of being adventurous.
Being adventurous can mean different things to different people.  For me, it's mostly getting out of my shell, not coming home and sitting on the couch, going out on my days off and doing something.
I feel like I've been succeeding in this but at the same time I've hardly made it off of the rock I call home to see places I've never seen.

Here's the thing, I have a job I can't abandon because money and you need money to go on adventures.
Why do you get a new job somewhere else and go on adventures you ask?
I'd most likely be moving somewhere where I'd be doing the same thing because I have no other skills except for a year of acting classes and janitorial work behind me.

It feels good to get my thoughts out, my brain is a very busy and confused place.
If you have any advice for starting a new adventure or figuring out a new career please, please leave a comment below, thank you.