More on Self Doubt (Careers)

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to work in either fashion, movies, or music.
When I was little, we're talking seven years old here, I wanted to be a cashier and work at Wal-Mart like my Mom (it's documented) but I loved fashion design and modeling.
I did modeling when I was a kid, nothing came of it but it was fun.
I also remember doing an audition for the movie Big Bully, I was about eight, but they were more interested in one of my brothers.  Neither of us got it though.

I did sewing for seven years and really loved designing clothes, but I just wasn't committed.

Flash forward to when I was seventeen, I entered a modeling contest...a couple actually.
I won one and was in a magazine and did some modeling in Toronto for Converse & West49.
I came second, I think, for a local contest and then also did further work with a store called Bootlegger because of it.
I did two local fashion shows that put me in contact with a lady who does modeling and acting classes.

Many, many years later...we're talking about ten years later.I enrolled in acting classes with that lady.  I did them for a year and half.
I auditioned for a pilot tv show and got a callback. . . the only thing was that they were looking for people who were about thirty...I was twenty five and looked about eighteen, so while they laughed at my jokes at the audition and was a great experience overall...I think I just looked too young.  The pilot never took off.

And now?  I take blood for a living.  It's good for right now as it's bringing in double from my old job and I have a regular schedule, but I'd still rather be doing something in the film or fashion industry.
I would really love to be the person who picks the music for tv or film and/or edits it.  As much as editing can frustrate me, I love it.
I've even thought about submitting pictures for commercial modeling lately, but I remember from when I was younger that twenty six is old in modeling and I'm well past that now.  I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
Then a tv show has been filming on our island the past two years and I just don't have time to even do extra work for it because my work isn't flexible.

Remember my post about self doubt a few days ago?
This is a continuation on that.
I just feel like I'm doing the wrong career.
I'm sure tons of people feel like this and it's an awful feeling.  You just feel like you're living a lie because you are, you're lying to yourself.

Anyone else feeling like this?
How do you cope with it?

Self Doubt

I just read a fantastic post by Jess Ann Kirby and it inspired me so much to write my own.

Her post was all about self doubt, and lately I've been (what I now realize) is major self doubt, on top of depression and anxiety...or maybe my self doubt is causing those things.
Another thing she mentioned was to stop comparing.  I compare via instagram, "why am I not doing that? I want to go there" etc
It's bad, bad for your mental health and bad for your relationships.

 
So while this isn't my favorite picture of me, I was happy.  My boyfriend had just done something that made me laugh.
What everyone else would see on social media would be this girl having the time of her life in Vegas.
A week before this I was crying all day, miserable, ready to quit my job and I was just done with everything.  That week before inspired our trip.  I was sad the whole weekend before and Monday I let it slip that I had been constantly crying and Boyfriend decided we had to do something fun on vacation.
So while that picture isn't a lie, it's not the whole story.

I have yet to figure out how to get over my self doubt as I just don't feel like I'm on the right career path.  That's up to me to work hard at getting to where I want to be.