More on Self Doubt (Careers)

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to work in either fashion, movies, or music.
When I was little, we're talking seven years old here, I wanted to be a cashier and work at Wal-Mart like my Mom (it's documented) but I loved fashion design and modeling.
I did modeling when I was a kid, nothing came of it but it was fun.
I also remember doing an audition for the movie Big Bully, I was about eight, but they were more interested in one of my brothers.  Neither of us got it though.

I did sewing for seven years and really loved designing clothes, but I just wasn't committed.

Flash forward to when I was seventeen, I entered a modeling contest...a couple actually.
I won one and was in a magazine and did some modeling in Toronto for Converse & West49.
I came second, I think, for a local contest and then also did further work with a store called Bootlegger because of it.
I did two local fashion shows that put me in contact with a lady who does modeling and acting classes.

Many, many years later...we're talking about ten years later.I enrolled in acting classes with that lady.  I did them for a year and half.
I auditioned for a pilot tv show and got a callback. . . the only thing was that they were looking for people who were about thirty...I was twenty five and looked about eighteen, so while they laughed at my jokes at the audition and was a great experience overall...I think I just looked too young.  The pilot never took off.

And now?  I take blood for a living.  It's good for right now as it's bringing in double from my old job and I have a regular schedule, but I'd still rather be doing something in the film or fashion industry.
I would really love to be the person who picks the music for tv or film and/or edits it.  As much as editing can frustrate me, I love it.
I've even thought about submitting pictures for commercial modeling lately, but I remember from when I was younger that twenty six is old in modeling and I'm well past that now.  I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
Then a tv show has been filming on our island the past two years and I just don't have time to even do extra work for it because my work isn't flexible.

Remember my post about self doubt a few days ago?
This is a continuation on that.
I just feel like I'm doing the wrong career.
I'm sure tons of people feel like this and it's an awful feeling.  You just feel like you're living a lie because you are, you're lying to yourself.

Anyone else feeling like this?
How do you cope with it?

Catching Up

Hi Gang!
The past two weeks have consisted of me living on my own, and I honestly thought I was going to work out everyday, blog consistently and film and edit lots.
I filmed 2 videos and didn't write a word.

I think while my love was away working I felt lost.  The majority of my time was spent working during the day and then come home to sit on the couch, drink a cold pressed juice and watch tv.
I was asleep by nine thirty (at the latest) every night.

I have some recommendations though!
I watched "Remedy" which was a Canadian hospital drama that I absolutely loved.  It got cancelled after season 2.
For movies, "The Intern" with Robert Deniro and Anne Hathaway was awesome.

 The Mother-In-Law to be and I had a fun Friday night last week of yummy food, a little too much wine, and great music!

This weekend will be visiting with my love now that he's home and cleaning up the house.
Boring adult stuff.
Plus lots of relaxing.

Have a lovely weekend and I hope you're having great weather!

Saturday Night Thoughts. . .

It's Saturday night and you know what I've realized?
Vlogging is hard.

I tried to vlog this week and I managed to do it before work but looking back at it it's so boring!

The majority of it is me telling you I'm making my breakfast and that I'm going to clean and watch youtube before work.

I should have vlogged today to be honest.  We wandered around and shopped and then eventually came home and did drunk online shopping (which is one of my favorite activities).

Hopefully next week I'm more successful.  I'm not sure if I'll upload this week's "vlog" because it's kind of embarrassing.

You don't realize how lazy and boring you are until you film what you do for the day.

What did you do this Saturday?

I enjoyed today, we treated it like a Sunday aka we had zero plans and didn't do any chores.
And you know what? I'm excited to be engaged and I feel like it's made us feel closer and do more things together like be lazy in bed in the morning and play minecraft until 9am (like we did today).

It's just nice.
Get engaged, I highly recommend it.

I'm kind of thinking our wedding date will be in September 2017.  September and October are my favorites months.  It's a given that I love Summer, we both do.  But Autumn just holds a special place in my heart.  It smells good, there's good food and here in early Autumn it's warm.  We should probably figure that out soon rather than what song I want to walk down the aisle to...
That link is just one song I've been thinking about because we both like it.
Or "I Will Wait For You" by Mumford and Sons.  When we first started dating is when that song came out so it triggers a memory of taking the ferry to see him  and for him it triggers a memory of working on the mainland away from me.  So the acoustic version of that song would be perfect.

I'm all about music.  Music triggers memories for me, so with this whole wedding planning thing that's all I think about is music and memories.

I should do a post on what songs trigger certain memories.
If any songs trigger memories for you please leave them in the comments below as I am so curious!


Have a fantastic Saturday night and a lovely, relaxing Sunday!

Christmas Music 2015

Hello All!
I feel like my Dad is the one who really turned me on to Christmas music as it was constantly playing this time of year when I was a kid.  We had the classic Burl Ives to the Chipmunks to Porky Pig's "Blue Christmas".

So naturally I start playing Christmas tunes in November.
Here are the ones I never tire of:

1. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Michael Buble
2. "Cold December Night" by Michael Buble
3. "Underneath the Tree" by Kelly Clarkson
4. "Mistletoe" by Colbie Caillat
5. "All My Bells are Ringing" by Lenka
6. "Christmas All Over Again" by Tom Petty
7. "Cool Yule" by Louis Armstrong
8. "Merry Christmas Baby" by Hanson
9. "Maybe This Christmas" by Ron Sexsmith
10. "Baby It's Cold Outside" by Zooey Deschanel

It's a pretty modern list now and The O.C. Christmukkah episodes have had a lot of influence.

Things To Be Excited For!

There are quite a few things coming/opening next month and I am getting so excited!!
Plus there are some things that come out this month/have already come out that I am excited for.

First off, last week Mumford and Sons released their third album, "Wilder Mind".  No more banjos, which made me a little sad, but I have found some songs I quite enjoy on it.
"Just Smoke", oh my gosh, when I first heard this my eyes starting watering and I couldn't stop smiling.  I haven't even listened to the words all the way through, this song just makes me happy and reminds me of Summertime.


Sephora opens here next month. Need I say more?

Of Monsters and Men releases a new album June 9th. I've been listening to "Crystals" nonstop, so I can't wait to hear more.

Jenny Han has the sequel to "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" coming out, called "P.S. I Still Love You".
I really enjoyed the first one and I can't wait for a light Summer read.  And that's supposed to be out May 26th!

A couple movies come out this month that I am dying to see.  This Friday, May 15th Pitch Perfect 2 is out.  I am ready to laugh.
Then May 22nd the remake Poltergeist arrives.  They're here.
I have loved this movie since I was a kid.  My Grandma always had us watching odd movies at a young age.  This won't live up to the original but I am anxious to see it!

Another book....actually a few.
Sarah Dessen's "Saint Anything".  I love Sarah Dessen.  Her website is actually what got me started into blogging, about six years ago.  I just love her books.  I could honestly go on and on.

If you read  Emily Schuman's blogs, CupcakesandCashmere then you would now she has a new book out, "Cupcakes and Cashmere At Home".  I love home related and entertaining things, so I pre-ordered this and it came this week!  So excited to delve in.

Along with that pre-order I also ordered Cassey's Ho's book, "Hot Body Year Round: The Pop Pilates Plan to Get Slim, Eat Clean and Live Happy.." 
Cassey Ho is a youtuber but I can't watch a video and workout. I've tried hooking youtube up to the tv and it's just not for me.  I end up writing down the exercises or printing them out (I used to do this for Tone It Up) and going from that. So I was so glad Cassey released a book along with Katrina and Karena from Tone It Up.  "Tone it Up:28 Days to Fierce, Fit and Fabulous".
I was an avid Tone It Up girl about 4 years ago when I worked out everyday, hardcore.
I'm excited because both these fitness books are about working out at home, which I prefer because I'm cheap, and just using the basics. I have a few weights, a yoga mat, medicine ball etc so this is perfect for me.  Time to get beach body ready!

Last thing I am excited for. . .
June 2nd, Florence and the Machine releases "How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful".
I love Florence.
Hands down the best concert I have ever gone to.
Her voice is so strong, so powerful.
I just remember jumping around in the grass at her concert in Vancouver in 2012.  That was just a great weekend overall.


I am sure I kind find more things to get excited about but I'll stop here for now.

What are upcoming things you exciting for?  Please share in the comments! Happy Friday:)