I'm pissed.

I just read my last post. . .that I never posted.

It was about Thanksgiving and I mentioned how my Grandma (Gma we call her) had opted out this year.

I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm lost.

I hate this year.

I FUCKING HATE IT.

Last year was hard, so fucking hard.

And now this year.   FUCK.

I've screamed and cried a lot the last few days.  

Few.

I just realized it's been almost a week. 

A week since the call.

Friday it'll be a week since I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and that I was going to get Mom.

 

FUCK.

I just want to scream it over and over. Or just scream.

Two nights in a row I've dreamt about her.  Random dreams, but she was there.

 

I don't think I can finish this or post this right now.  I might lose it again. [11-Nov-2020]

 I fucking love October.  Hands down, my favorite month.  

This month start off sunny here, perfect Fall days...the last few days I've been watching the fog roll in around 7am, it's been awesome.  I love fog.  Sucks, I had to be at work for it.  I have the next four days off so I hope they are either foggy, stormy days or perfectly sunny, crisp days.  

Lately I've been, watching The Vampire Diaries, eating curly fries and drinking lots of red wine (as usual).

The next few days, I'm going to finish decorating for Halloween (I found some awesome window stickers at the dollar store), drink lots of coffee, enjoy my wine in the evenings, make a pumpkin pie and figure out which sides I am bringing to Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving will be the usual, small family gathering. My Grandma has opted out this year, which makes me sad as it's not for the covid reasons you think and the husband is still working away.

[08-Oct-2020]

Well, I tried.

 I am having a tough time.

It is my favorite month, my favorite time of year and it always goes the same.  Husband is gone for work.

I love alone time, but some days are harder than others.  It's probably because I'm hormonal but this weekend was hard.  I cried so much Saturday night and stayed up until 2am, that my eyes were swollen in the morning.  It was bad.  It was self induced, but sometimes you just need to cry.

I told myself that when he is gone I was going to eat healthy and exercise.  I exercised for one day and then the yoga mat lived in the living room for a week.  I've eaten two medium pizzas in three days, had tater tots and french fries, bought chocolate bars (I never buy chocolate bars), gone through three boxes of wine and left vegetables rotting in the fridge.  

I suck.

The End

My Curly Hair Routine

 Well, here I am, alone for the next month (at least).

Every time I think about that I think what happens if we move away?  It'll be much harder when he's gone, I'll have no family around.  I'll have dogs which will help but what will I do?  I've considered starting up the ol' youtube again, but I am so boring.  

[Man, it is so smoky here.  I look outside and I get excited because it's drizzly and looks foggy, but it's just smoke from the fires.  It makes my heart break, the fact that we're getting smoke from the fires in The States, just what the people there are going through.  It's sad.]

With all this quarantine/isolation/Covid stuff, I know people have tried out different things, like making sourdough from scratch for example (my husband did this and then we had a sourdough bake off).  Why did people do this by the way? I mean it was delicious but how did it all start? My husband started his way before Covid rules got strict and then all of a sudden it was a thing. 

My thing was my curly hair journey.  Thanks to the curly girl subreddit, I have learned a lot. I still struggle some days and I definitely have better curl days than others, everyday is different.  I don't follow the rules to a T, I tried a bit at the start but it wasn't doing anything for me.  I've tried different types of gel, a mousse gel, three different curl creams, but usually the same conditioner/shampoo.  I've tried diffusing. air drying, plopping and a combo of all three!

What works for me?  

Depends on A)how much time I have

B)How patient I am

C)Do I want curls? beach-y waves? or fluff?

                                                            My different types of curls.

I don't know/don't care what my type is.  

I don't really understand the whole porosity thing.

For my reset wash I use Herbal Essences detox shampoo, I used to use this all the time 5 years ago, I love the smell, but it dried out my hair because (surprise surprise)it makes my hair too squeaky clean.  I do a reset wash every 2-3 weeks, depends on how gross my hair feels.

I wash my hair with shampoo probably 3-4 times a week, I either use L'oreal EverSleek Keratin shampoo or Healthy Sexy Hair shampoo.  The other couple times I use Tresemme Botanics Nourish? conditioner (as per the curly girl method).  Then I will condition with the same conditioner. At the start I used the L'oreal Eversleek Keratin conditioner, but that's too expensive to keep up with, considering how much conditioner I have to use.  I leave the conditioner on while I shave my under arms and legs (if I'm not lazy), then I detangle in the shower and only when wet.  I use a wet brush and I am in love with it.  Hands down, best brush I've ever purchased.  People in the reviews on Amazon say it's not a genuine wet brush and I'm not sure if it is, but I love it.  I squish to con-dish and this is where I get confused.  I have my head upside down (detangling) and I'm squishing, forming clumps but then how do you style it?  Sometimes I style upside and dry like that (if I'm diffusing) and other times I style it soaking wet and hope for the best or plop with my deep conditioner in and then style it after it dries for a bit.  

Confusing, I know.

And then proteins..........ughh.  I feel like it does nothing for my hair.  Once upon a time years ago I tried rice water.  I loved it, my hair was sleek and shiny.  Recently I've tried a Shea Moisture protein hair mask.  Eh, I don't notice any difference when I use this.

Here at the other products I like to use:

-AG Hair moisture Fast Food leave in conditioner [I love this so much, I purchased the jumbo one before finishing the normal sized one.]

-AG Curl Re:Coil Activator.  I like this one, but I'm not sure if I'll purchase again (I have another one I like better).  It's light weight and definitely helps the curl formation but I don't think I like the curls as much.

-For gel, I've been liking the Aveda Confixor Liquid gel. It's super light weight and has great hold for my fine hair, but the smell (blech). It reminds me of lavender and that is my least favourite smell.

Next up is my winning combo with the leave-in conditioner:

-AG Beach Bomb Tousled Texture.  I LOVE me some beach-y hair.  My hair looks best after a day at the ocean and this gives a similar look but feels healthier.  It's a thicker, sticky-ish cream.  I want this in a jumbo size!  I can just put this in, with no gel/mousse and my hair will still look decent.  

-AG Hair Mousse Gel Extra-Firm Curl Retention. First off, the name is weird but accurate. It comes out like a mousse and then if you rub it together it becomes stickier like a gel.  I freaking love this stuff!!  My hair is very fine and can easily get weighed down, so this is so much better than a gel for me.  I tried adding it directly to my roots yesterday, wholly big hair! It was amazing.

                           My favourite combo: leave-in, beach babe cream, mousse-gel, air dried

          Again the favourite combo,  but mousse-gel applied to the roots and then diffused (just the roots)

 The last thing I invested in was a continuous spray bottle, this is super helpful on refresh days or just to add more moisture when styling on wash days.

If you've been trying a curly routine let me know what it is in the comments, I love learning more or trying new techniques!

P.S. Use a t-shirt or micro-fibre towel to plop.  I used both and then ended up buying this and it's the easiest way for me to plop, super comfy and holds great.  Once upon a time I invested in a high end micro-fibre hair towel, don't do it, it's not worth it.  I prefer the one I linked much more.

                                                         

Being a klutz and other things...

Add caption

This is the only Fall picture I have for this year so far, seeing as the sky is full of smoke and the temperature is five degrees higher than average.  I hope for better in a couple weeks.

You guys, I love September, but it's also the hardest time of year for me.  My husband always goes away for work this time of year, usually long periods of time too.  He leaves in less than two days for a month, probably longer.  I'm used to it, but I still get sad.  I worry that it'll be the last time I see him, I worry for those lonely nights when I get stuck in my head, I worry that I'll get a phone call that somethings gone wrong.  Just so many worries.

Thanks Anxiety.

I've always been like this.

I've been on vacation this week, which is funny because he is never home during my September vacation and this year he is.  I've taken this week off now for four years? and he's usually working.  It's been a tough week to be honest.  We have so much to think about and just watching the housing market go up is very depressing for us.  Depressing isn't quite the word I wanted, but here we are.  I can read it all over him, how upset he is about this.  I don't show it as much, I prefer inner turmoil.

In other news, I've been reading 'Midnight Sun'.  I'm sorry, 'Twilight' is super cheesy but I love it.  I am devouring this book, even though Edward takes freaking forever to get through things.  I think I'm preferring his side of things even though I am so much like Bella, clumsiness and all.  Watching Bella through Edward's eyes, I'm just wow...I bet that's how I look, like an idiot, the way she stumbles through life.  Right now I have three bruises on my right leg, no idea how I got them but yet they're huge.  Then a couple weeks ago I went grocery shopping with Dad, I went to get frozen fruit and told him I'd meet him in the junk food aisle.  I grabbed one bag of frozen fruit, one.  CRASH! A bunch tumbled to the floor.  I looked around me, embarrassed, picked them up off the floor and put them back on the shelf.

"Did you hear a big crash?" I asked when I met back up with him.

"No," he looked at me confused.

"Okay good, I just took out part of the frozen fruit section."

This is my life.  If someone is going to hold up the line at the cash register, it will be me but only when I am alone, of course.

Not sure where I was going with this...

What are you reading?  Have you read 'Midnight Sun'? Let me know what you think! My old blog used to be somewhat dedicated to 'Twilight'.  I was such a 'Twilight' nerd, ask me about it one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall Fashion. . .etc

 So my taste is normally sweatshirts or t-shirts and a pair of jeans.

But honestly? I am a grunge loving girl.

I grew up in the 90s having been born in the late 80s, so grunge is nostalgic for me.

I recently bought a pair of dark grey, faded Levi's.  I used to have a 725 Originals pair that I loved. . .let's be honest, I still own them they just don't fit that great anymore seeing as they were super skinny.

I am tempted to dig my fake leather jacket out that I got in 2009.

This Fall I think I'm wearing more plaid than usual, layers of sweaters with my pleather jacket, maybe some combat boots if I can snag a pair I like.  My all time favorite boots retired. . .basically I puked on them back in 2011 and they were never the same and I never found a pair that I've like as much.

I would like to wear more dresses with tights this Autumn and hopefully can find boots to go with or it'll just be a pair of converse, the usual.

Also, I would like to aquire a Beetle juice t-shirt (I am strange & unusual) and The Craft one (We are the weirdos mister).

Fall Fashion 2020:

-Grunge

-Dresses

-Tights

-Combat boots

-The Craft t-shirt

-Beetlejuice t-shirt (Fun fact, Beetlejuice came out in my birth month (March) in the year I was born (1988).

I have an Autumn playlist on Spotify but I am trying to determine 2020's Autumn theme song(s).  I'll let you know when I figure that out.

I think tomorrow will consist of grocery shopping (boring), red wine and a scary movie.  Husbo is away right now, so I won't be getting out much.

Maybe I'll bring back the photo shoots I used to do circa 2009 (on myroomredisred blog)

P.S. I am reading my old blog right now and I miss my friends on there!

I'm Ready For Fall

 I love Autumn.  

Look back at previous posts or my tumblr and you'll realize this.

Yes, I still have a tumblr.

Hell, look at my wedding photos and you'll realize this.

Last weekend we had a thunder storm, they never happen where I live by the way, it was awesome.

Then it was rainy for a few days and I loved it.

I would come home from work and turn the fairy lights on right away and watch a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls to unwind with a glass of red wine (the perfect evening).

Yes, I know it's August.

I love Summer too, believe me I do, but sometime in mid-August it always gets to me...Fall is coming and I just can't wait.

We don't even have that great of Autumns here, not like other places, but I still love it.

So much that two of my 4 weeks of vacation happen during September and October this year.

I always take the first or second week of September off, usually the week after Labour Day and I decorate for Fall and make a bunch of meals to freeze. It's just cozy and relaxing to me.  Usually my husband is away working at this time so I get to play housewife which I enjoy as well.  Two weeks until my vacation starts, I think it's why I feel so cozy and autumnal right now.

I am dying to go to HomeSense to see if they have Autumn decor out, but honestly I have a hard time going there right now.  I wear a mask all day at work and I just find it hard to go somewhere and where a mask on my day off and after a day of work I don't really go anywhere.  My husband and I go get groceries once a week right now and they are just starting mandatory masks at most places now and I just find it hard. I know that sounds stupid. I wear one and other ppe for seven hours a day at work and it's a relief to take it all off at the end of the day and have two days where I don't have to wear it.  It fucking sucks to wear it.  People complain about wearing a mask into a store for say an hour or so, what about nurses who have to wear it for a ten/twelve hour shift?  I only wear it for seven hours, constantly talking to people, running around with 1-2 hour wait times and it's hard.  It's hot wearing a mask, gown and face shield, and overall just difficult to communicate with people.  Not to mention screening one to two hundred patients who yell at you for asking them if they've had cold or flu symptoms etc.

Okay, now I'm just ranting.

I need to stop.

I am ready for Fall but at the same time I am not.  Covid restrictions are most likely going to get worse going into cold and flu season and for that I am not ready.

Anyone else ready for the Fall feelings and decor?

A Lot To Think About

 As per usual so much has happened since my last post (which was February, if you're curious).

First off Covid, that sure changed a lot.  But I am not even going to go into it much because we all hear about it enough.  I will tell you that I work in health care and all this has really made me not want to work with the public anymore.  It has strained some relationships with family and strengthened others.  It has also destroyed my clear skin I worked so hard for last year, so that's fun.

I just had my first week off of the year at the end of July, which is crazy as usually I take time in April but that wasn't happening.  My grandfather passed away right before Covid got bad, like I went there on the weekend to say goodbye, got home Sunday and Monday he passed and that day restrictions started (only 2 visitors at the place he was at) and then everything everywhere was different.

Some other things happened that aren't my business to tell.

We've lost a lot of staff at work so the stress level is huge.  I'm trying to have a different perspective though as work was consuming my life.

My husband got back from work up North a little while ago.  He always come back with stories of things he's seen and how different places are from here and how much more affordable houses are.

Which is why we're here, at a cross roads.  He is fine to live where ever, it is now my decision if we are going to move off our rock, where we've both been born and raised.  I would miss the ocean.

I'm sitting here watching Gilmore Girls, as it always helps, making pro/con lists (like Rory).

Basically it involves me leaving everything behind for a house, my family, my job (which doesn't bother me that much, just bothers me that I have seniority and vacation built up).

So far my list is Everything Vs A House (with a dog).

To give you an example of what it's like here, my mother-in-law went for a walk the other day and saw a nice house for us, she thought to herself that she could help us out and give us money for it (keep in mind we have a large down payment saved up). Well she looked up the house to see how much it was. . . over a million dollars for just a regular family home.

My husband is frustrated.  I've seen him frustrated lots of times, but this is like built up and I can see he's just boiling and doesn't know what to do.

I know my family would come visit me, but I would miss out on just going over there for a visit, or seeing my niece and nephew grow up, my youngest brother picking on me like I'm the youngest.  I wouldn't get time off to come visit on holidays.  These are things that I am thinking about.

I have always loved the idea of moving somewhere where no one knows you and starting new.  You can almost become a new person.  It'd be an adventure.

I feel at this point if we're going to buy a house and move that I don't want to live on the island unless it's the location we want.

I just don't know what to do.

I've got lots of thinking drives with my favourite tunes ahead of me.

                                        

Sorry, my most recent photos are from our wedding, you're probably sick of seeing them...which is another thing, I hope to get back into my photography hobby.

My Wedding Day Makeup

I am finally getting around to this!
I was lucky on our wedding day, my sister-in-law did my makeup and hair and it was amazing.  She also planned our entire wedding. Amazing woman overall.

I had all the make up we used (minus the eyelashes), because I'm an addict and even bought a specific blush for the day.
I love blush.  I just bought two more.  One day, soon, I'll do a blush post.

Of course I did my skin care first:
Shiseido eye masks-these are a holy grail for me, especially before any event.
Make P:rem micro tension cream-I love this stuff but it's becoming harder for me to find ever since GlowRecipe stopped selling it, luckily I hoarded a few of them.
Shiseido eye cream
Biore Sunscreen- This sunscreen works amazing for my skin. It has a strong alcohol scent but it disappears pretty quick. I actually just bought 3 back ups of this the other day.

If I remember correctly I used three primers on the big day:
VDL Lumilayer primer- great for glowy glass skin
Tatcha Silk Canvas- Great for smoothing out my skin. I save this for special occasions. I love Tatcha products.
Tarte Timeless Smoothing Primer- I used this in my t-zone where my pores are most prominent just for some extra smoothness/filling
Becca Under-eye brightening correcter in light-medium- I have been buying this for years now and I've only gone through three or four jars of it. I hope they never stop making this.
Wet 'N Wild Mega Cushion Color Correcter in Peach- If you couldn't tell already, I love a bright under eye.  Not going to lie. . .I have about 6 back ups of this in fear that they'll discontinue it like L'ancome discontinued theirs.  I can't say enough good things about this.  Sometimes I will go without concealer and just wear this for the day with a bit of blush.

 Surprisingly I wore foundation but not concealer on the big day.  But funny story, the foundation we used I use every day as my concealer.
Laneige BB Cushion Hydra Radiance in Porcelain- This is my every day concealer, it's so natural and glowy, I love it.  If I need extra coverage I will add a dab of something on top, but that's rare as I just love how this looks.
Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder in Diffused Light- I feel like this is just a list of my holy grails as I've repurchased this powder quite a few times as well.  It's not heavy, makes everything look blurred and it lasted from about 11am-2am the next day.  The foundation and this powder are a great combo for me.
For contour and blush we used Charlotte Tilbury.  The Filmstar Bronze & Glow in fair/medium was a spur of the moment purchase on my birthday a few years ago and has been a favorite ever since.  The bronzer is a perfect shade for my skin tone.  I bought the Cheek to Chic blush in Pillow Talk a few weeks before the day, I just couldn't say no to color.
Then for highlight I had to use my Dior Nude Luminizer 001, had to.  I love Dior.  I bought the luminizer a couple years ago during a Sephora sale as I had been eyeing it up for a long time.  When we did my trial run for makeup a gold-ish Maybelline highlight was used, which was pretty but gold didn't suit my skin tone and then I remembered that beautiful Dior one that I save for special occasions and it was a perfect fit.  I'll be honest, the shade 001 freaked me out a bit at first as it looks so gold online but it's actually a beautiful nude shade and great for my yellow undertone.

Another Dior product, the brow styler in universal dark brown.  I love how simple this pencil is, one cap, a great spoolie and the product just twists up.  This shade is perfect for me, absolutely perfect.  It's a bit pricey for what it is but it works so great. 
Fun fact, I've taken apart the pencil before and there is little product waste left in the little holder thing inside once you get to 'the end' of it.

The eye makeup.  We went with the palette that, oddly enough, screams romance to me: Urban Decay's Naked3 palette.  I feel like we neutral-pink for the look and the darker tones in the palette were less harsh than a black.
For inner corner highlight we used my all time favorite eye shadow, Stila's Kitten.
I've tried rewriting what I want to write about this eye shadow and I have no words. I love this to death and, in my eyes, no eye shadow will ever be better than it.  It is the most perfect creamy, nude, champagne color and the texture is like butter.

I'm pretty sure we used Ardell wispies.  I'm not going to link them as I'm not 100% sure they were the wispies or not.  For someone who never wears lashes, these were surprisingly comfortable for the 14 hours I wore them. 
Over top we put a little bit of Nars Climax mascara, just to blend everything together.  I tend to be more of a length than volume person when it comes to mascara and I find this does both very well.  I usually hate volume because it comes out so clumpy, but this is great for volume without the clumps.

For the lips I bought options as I wasn't sure what I wanted to wear, but in the end I went with a Buxom duo that came out for the holidays.  The Buxom Plumpline Lip Liner in Incognito is a great your lips but better nude shade for my lips and I love it to line the lips or wear over the entire lip.  On my wedding day I wore it as a lip liner and over top I wore the Full On Plumping Lip Polish in Dolly. It's such a great neutral, mauve color and I felt like you could only tell I had something on my lips because they were glossy.  I personally love a glossy look over a matte one, but I tend to have dry lips.


The perfume I wore was Maison Margiela Replica By the Fireplace.
It is my favorite scent ever, especially in Autumn, so it was perfect for our October wedding.
   
And that is everything! 
The whole day was more than I ever imagined it would be and looking back on it I wouldn't change a thing.