Standing Up To My Anxiety

Lately I've been living the life of a single girl. . . sort of.

My fiancee is working away at the moment and so I am by myself.

I know lots of couples do this, and it's tough.  I'm lucky that it hasn't been for months at a time, yet, but it's still hard to have him away.

I have really bad anxiety when I have to go out and do stuff by myself.

Like groceries? If I go right after work or early in the morning I'm good, but if I have to go on my days off in the middle of the day? Forget about it, I end up calling my parents and getting one of them to go with him.

Lately I've been challenging my anxiety, or myself I guess.

I meet my mom for coffee at the mall every Sunday when she's working, once she goes back to work I make myself do a lap around the mall by myself and if I'm brave I go into a store or two.  The longest I've done this for lately is about twenty five minutes and then I get sweaty and panicky and have to leave.

So yesterday I decided I was going to take about a 3 hour drive to my favorite beach.  I made myself do it, I almost have to bully myself into doing things...it's pathetic.

But I did it, I spent 3 hours there and even went body boarding.

Proof:

 Once I was on the road I was having a great time blasting my favorites songs on a beautiful, sunny day.  The beach was busy, but it's so big and honestly, no one else cares what you're doing.

I have to keep reminding myself that.

Like if I want to make myself start running again and I have to remind myself that no one else actually cares what I'm doing, I'm bettering myself and will feel great after.

I just thought I'd give a quick update on my anxiety, and while not everyone has a partner that works away so it forces you to do things alone...it helps.  I would suggest bullying challenging yourself to do things outside your comfort zone.

I Have A Thing For Autumn

I know I am kind of all over the place with my blog and just can't seem to pin point the right name, I say this because I'm going off the topic of skinscare & such (my current blog name, in case it changes in the future).

I have a deep love for Autumn.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned that before, but as we're nearing the end of August I am getting giddy.  We're talking Christmas Eve kind of giddy, I know I'm weird.

The past two days I have spent browsing Autumn decor online, burning Fall candles and composing the ultimate playlist.
Oh, and watching 'Hocus Pocus' and 'You've Got Mail', two of my favorite movies for the season. . .let's be honest, I watch them year round.

I've also been busy cleaning my home and making it more simple.  I like simplicity, a lot, but I have so much clutter and I have a thing about making piles.  So I am going through my clothes and books and donating whatever I haven't worn in the past couple months or books I'm just not interested in anymore.
It's like Spring cleaning, but an Autumn de-clutter.  I think I just made that up.

During my vacation in two weeks, when it's officially September (insert excited squeal here), I will dig out my Fall box (yes I have one, just like I do Christmas decorations) and start decorating.


I tend to blog a lot more in Fall, so here's what you can expect from me:
-Pictures, lots of cozy, Autumn pictures
-Outfit post
-Autumn activities like the corn maze and farmer's market
-A post about all my favorites candles
-Autumn playlist
-Baking, I love to bake in the cooler months

And if you can think of anything else you'd like to see, just leave a comment below.
Have a great week!




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Makeup for Glowing Skin

I am all about being bronzed and glowy this year.
These are some of my favorite face and eye products for looking like a glowing mermaid!

Charlotte Tilbury Filmstar Bronze & Glow, Urban Decay Half baked eyeshadow, Stila Kitten eyeshadow, MeMeMe Dew Pot in Willow Whisper 5

Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Opal, Becca Under Eye Brightening Corrector, Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder in Luminous Light, Nars The Multiple in Orgasm, Buxom eyeshadow in Mink Magnet, CoverFX Click Stick Highlighter in Bubbly.

What are your favorite products for glowing skin?

More on Self Doubt (Careers)

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to work in either fashion, movies, or music.
When I was little, we're talking seven years old here, I wanted to be a cashier and work at Wal-Mart like my Mom (it's documented) but I loved fashion design and modeling.
I did modeling when I was a kid, nothing came of it but it was fun.
I also remember doing an audition for the movie Big Bully, I was about eight, but they were more interested in one of my brothers.  Neither of us got it though.

I did sewing for seven years and really loved designing clothes, but I just wasn't committed.

Flash forward to when I was seventeen, I entered a modeling contest...a couple actually.
I won one and was in a magazine and did some modeling in Toronto for Converse & West49.
I came second, I think, for a local contest and then also did further work with a store called Bootlegger because of it.
I did two local fashion shows that put me in contact with a lady who does modeling and acting classes.

Many, many years later...we're talking about ten years later.I enrolled in acting classes with that lady.  I did them for a year and half.
I auditioned for a pilot tv show and got a callback. . . the only thing was that they were looking for people who were about thirty...I was twenty five and looked about eighteen, so while they laughed at my jokes at the audition and was a great experience overall...I think I just looked too young.  The pilot never took off.

And now?  I take blood for a living.  It's good for right now as it's bringing in double from my old job and I have a regular schedule, but I'd still rather be doing something in the film or fashion industry.
I would really love to be the person who picks the music for tv or film and/or edits it.  As much as editing can frustrate me, I love it.
I've even thought about submitting pictures for commercial modeling lately, but I remember from when I was younger that twenty six is old in modeling and I'm well past that now.  I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
Then a tv show has been filming on our island the past two years and I just don't have time to even do extra work for it because my work isn't flexible.

Remember my post about self doubt a few days ago?
This is a continuation on that.
I just feel like I'm doing the wrong career.
I'm sure tons of people feel like this and it's an awful feeling.  You just feel like you're living a lie because you are, you're lying to yourself.

Anyone else feeling like this?
How do you cope with it?