I Hate Being Lonely

I like being alone but I hate being lonely.

I feel like this sums me up very well.

When I feel lonely, my world goes south.
Does that make sense?

This is worse on my days off.
My Love is away working right now, it's almost been two weeks and it never gets easier.

He mostly works at this time of year (my favorite time-Autumn). Last year he was gone for three weeks then home for four days and then gone another month.
Last year was hard.

I'm very grateful he got this job, as he loves it and he is respected more than some of his other jobs he has.  Overall, we're both happy.
It's these lonely moments that get me.
I know it must be hard for him as he's away from everything and everyone, his home.
But as my mental health has always been an issue, I find it especially hard.


Yesterday was a big feat for me, I was quite happy with myself.
I went out shopping, like fun shopping, by myself.
Since you don't know me, just to let you know this is big deal for me.
It's great if I do groceries by myself, I think I over came that last year though, but I still like to call my Mom to go with me on particularly anxious days.
I have not done fun shopping by myself in years.  I used to take the bus all the time in my early twenties, I don't know what happened.
I used to even go see movies by myself and some of those movies are my favorites because I was by myself when I saw them!

Anyways, I didn't come home for two and a half hours.
I hit up HomeSense first, seeing as it was the first day of Autumn, then Winners. . .then I decided not to push my luck and left the mall to get some groceries at Wal-Mart (On a freaking Saturday! Never again. It was so busy!!)
After that I checked out London Drugs for some cosmetic bits and then headed to my parent's house to check in with my brother.
I mean, it's not a crazy day, but it's a lot for me. And I didn't have one panic attack!

Tomorrow I might even try my luck at a movie.
Scratch that, there's no early matinees.
I really want to see 'Life Itself', it looks like a me movie.
But tomorrow 'The Resident' season 2 premieres, so I kinda wanna watch that instead.

Anyone else watching 'Maniac' on Netflix?
It's interesting, I found the first episode very slow.  I liked the second and third episode a lot.
I think I'm on the fourth...
I'm also watching 'Hilda' which is pretty relaxing and easy to watch.


By now I'm sure you've realized my best friend is Netflix.


[I just realized I need to update my 'about me' section, as I am no longer a "twenty year old something blogger".]